Things that games tought me....

Here is something random that gaming has taught me over the years...

If you are injured in a fight or shot or burnt by fire or by falling/jumping from a height, simply eat an apple or roast meal or put on a fresh set of body armour. This will instantly make you feel fine, as if you hadn't even been injured in the first place.

But where would you locate said items at short notice?

Apples and roast meals can often be found by knocking over dust bins, smashing telephone boxes or in chests lying around the place. Who leaves these items (and in the case of perishables, regularly re-supplies them to keep them fresh) is completely beyond my comprehension but I suspect that they are very quick and stealthy as you will NEVER see them do it. I suspect those little guys that show up from time to time in GoldenAxe. You remember them, the little chaps with the sacks on their backs who get serious abuse in the daily undertaking of their job.

There is evidence that they sometimes bunk off early however, sometimes you'll find that they have dumped their wares in hidden, hard to find places, like round obscure corners of buildings or behind piles of rubble.

Abuse in the workplace.

I'm not sure I'd find it very easy to get up in the morning knowing that I would be kicked repeatedly by dwarves and prodded with swords by warrior women, but hey, I’m not an elf (gnome? munchkin???) Maybe they should have some body armour handy (not to be worn during the attack, oh no, you should put it on AFTERWARDS to ensure you get the full benefit!).

Body armour is a particularly effective method for curing wounds incurred from all sorts of injuries; bullets, fire, car crashes etc. It's amazing how that little "zzzzip" can make you feel better.

I think the makers of body armour are missing a trick here, maybe they should market it more widely?

"Not feeling very well? Try new Maxo-Armour, one zip and you'll be fit!"

They could have vending machines that sell armour in likely places of injury, such as at the bottom of ski-slopes and at busy road junctions. They'd make a fortune.

There's gold in them their trash cans!

Also sometimes you can find items of wealth in similar places, often just lying around. Make sure you look in dark corners and behind random walls/doors. I've lost count of how many times I’ve been walking down the high-street turned down a dark alley, knocked over a bin and found some gold bars/coins etc.

Anyway, I'm off to kick some small people and knock over some bins. goodbye for now.

(For further information on this subject please refer to the following teaching resources; GoldenAxe, GTA, Goldenye, Streets of Rage etc.)

How to use your Gaming Knowledge

Being a bit of a gamer over the years has taught me a few things....

Road Safety:

1. Smash you car up as much as you like. It'll keep working until smoke starts to billow from under the bonnet. When this happens you should exit the vehicle immediately (even if you are in the middle of a busy road). If you continue to use the vehicle the you will soon see flames replacing the smoke; this means that the vehicle will explode shortly and you really should exit the vehicle to avoid injury/death.

2. If you roll your vehicle onto it's roof you might find that it will shortly start to billow smoke and the fire from the bonnet, see above.

3. If you don't have a car, just get in and drive the nearest one you can see. Car keys will always be left in the ignition. It's a bit like the public bicycles they have in Holland.

4. A badly damaged car will be fine after a re-spray.

5. Cars do not work in water.

6. Power sliding is the quickest way round a corner.

7. No vehicles use fuel, it's just a capitalist lie. You can drive your vehicle for as long as you like until it starts to smoke. (See point number 1 above)

8. Driving tests are not required, everyone can drive a vehicle. Controls will always take the following format: one button for FORWARD, one button for STOPPING & REVERSING, one button for STOPPING FASTER AND HELPING SKIDDING and one button to HELP YOU LOOK OVER YOUR SHOULDER.

9. Head on collisions are rarely fatal.

10. Traffic Lights are purely ornamental.

For more detailed case studies please use the following instructional interactive media: GTA, Ridge Racer, Battlefield etc.

See you next time.
GavinoX